"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
