you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
