We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize