You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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