She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
