Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
