I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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