I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
