I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
