Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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