I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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