Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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