is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
