NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
