Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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