I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
