My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
