lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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