Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
