So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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