I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
