I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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