Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
