What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
