i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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