Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
