I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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