in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
