All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
