Whod you bang
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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