If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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