You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
