He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
