I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
