there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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