apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
