textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
