He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
