You're my little dorito
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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