I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
