im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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