Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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