there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
