when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Welp...herpes.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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