WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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