This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
