Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
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I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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