i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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