He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
