are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
