hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize