They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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