Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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