I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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