you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
