508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
