You're so nebulous sometimes
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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