omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
