is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
