hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
