Your tits are I can't wait for
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
