Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
