Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Shame is for Republicans.
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