Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
