Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
