She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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