We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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