ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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