Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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