I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
