put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
