beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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